I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
