It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
