i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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