If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
