I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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