please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
