Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
