Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
