just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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