i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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