mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
