I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
