Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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