i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
