I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
