Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
