you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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