sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
