oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
