I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
