NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
