my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so let's talk penis.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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