she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
