he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
