i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
