On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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