I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
