just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
