Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
