I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
