he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
