you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
