My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love having hate sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
