And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
