just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
