It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
