I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
