i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
