tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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