i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
