Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
