this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
