she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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