youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
