Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
