Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
