We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
