I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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