I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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