I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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