I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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